They would never say...

[Fidjit]

Treguard: I wouldn't take that path team it's closed for resurfacing.

Treguard: This lady team is Mellisandre, the village mule, everyone has has a ride except the local jester.

Treguard: Are any of you three epileptic? Yes? Then I suggest you tell Julian to put the bottle down and just leave team.

Pickle: *Coming through the door holding a parcel* Your Amazon package has just arrived master.

Pickle: Wow! Either The Great Rift of Angar
has got longer and bigger... or Smirkenorff is having a bad diarrhoea day!

Pickle: *Looking up at Treguard, almost a whisper* Shall I fetch a can from the fridge master??

Pickle: *Team approach Doorkis* Well, I've already shown you what to do here team, I'm just popping off for a quick shower. I should be back before you finish, but if not, go through Dunkley Woods, watch out for Ariadne, and don't get killed. Won't be a tick...

Pickle: Christ, I feel a big dump coming on here!

Smirkenorff: Romanha, in the advertisement I specifically asked for a guardian, not a nanny!

Lissard: *To Lord Fear* No offence lordnesssssss, but if you're so clevernesssssss why don't you come up with a plan and do it yourself!

Lord Fear: The Sewers Of Goth! Miles upon miles of the filthiest stench and sewage. Impenetrable, except for a single rowing boat I conveniently left in the open!

Greystagg: *Over a sort of tannoy system* Good morning, this is a sister announcement, could whoever is leaving the front door open please shut it as dungeoneers, fruit sellers and double-glazing salesman keep getting in. Thank you.

Greystagg: Well WILL have revenge on you Fear! Witchaven, as you well know is all but destroyed...
Lord Fear: Oh it was me! Sorry I got so wasted last night I couldn't even remember if it was me or Raptor who defiled Heggartys' drawers. So glad I reminded him to bring a bag!

[Drassil]

Treguard: Play fair, or Fear play foul, all begins again at the allotted h- no, wait, that doesn't rhyme. Play fair, or Fear commit crime, all... no, that won't do. Erm... take care of yourselves. And each other.

Treguard: And Pickle... write me a version that scans and rhymes.

Pickle: At once, master.

[A few moments later, Pickle hands Treguard a new parchment to read from.]

Treguard: 'Play thee fair, or Fear play foul / Game on's at the allotted owl.' Allotted owl?! What manner of nonsense is this? "Ah, here's the designated nocturnal bird, good, we can resume play."

Pickle: Well, if Fear's playing fowl...

Treguard: Are you trying to make an oaf of me, elf? Explain yourself. What kind of twit would allot an owl? Who?

Pickle: Twit... who...

[Drassil]

Advisor: "I'm hungry."

[Drassil]

McGrew: "Taran-tara, och aye the noo, 'tis bold McGrew to dance for you."

[Fidjit]

Advisor: Take the chicken...
Dungeoneer: I'm not touching THAT, I'm a vegan!

[Fidjit]

Dungeoneer: Where am I?

Advisor: We can't see anything it's too dark!

Treguard: Alexa! Turn on the lights in Level One!

Alexa: Okay.

[Fidjit]

Gargoyle from Season 3: "Peril is the reward of ignorance. Which is why I wished I'd died after ignorantly nutting this wall and getting my head stuck here..."

Dungeoneer: (standing by the Sewers of Goth): "Did somebody fart in here?"

Greystagg: It's my time of the month and you bring me Witch Amber?! Where is the chocolate ice cream and my Twilight box set you ignorant fool!

[Drassil]

Advisor: "Spellcasting: Haitch-"
Treguard: "No."

[Fidjit]

KMDF: There is no way that exactly twenty years on Fidjit would ever come back to the forum!

[Drassil]

KMDF: There is no way that exactly twenty years on Fidjit would ever come back to the forum!

Happy 20th anniversary, Glenn. Thanks for remembering us and Knightmare. We certainly remember you! Not forgetting that you weren't named Fidjit in the beginning.

[Drassil]

Brangwen: Please don't rush to answer. Take your time; talk it over. You've got this.

Frightknights in Series 5: Sorry, Lord Fear! We'll keep still and be quiet right away.