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Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 7:45 pm
by HStorm
Don't you think bribe-scenes in Knightmare are just completely implausible? You know the scenario, Gumboil or Olaf or Fatilla or Skarkill are stood on a cavern ledge or between the dungeoneer and a wellway. The dungeoneer doesn't have a password so he offers them a bar of gold or a ruby, which the guard accepts after making a protracted and utterly unconvincing display of reluctance, before stepping aside and allowing passage.

Every time I see this, I always find myself wondering, "That guard's going to get into trouble if Mogdred/Lord F finds out that he's been accepting bribes, so why doesn't he just kill the dungeoneer and then take the treasure afterwards?"

All right, so the guards I've listed here are pretty thick, but are they really that thick?

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 8:15 pm
by Velvet
I have to agree that that's the most implausible part of the Knightmare set-up. Unless they were unwilling to risk being injured by the dungeoneer? That doesn't really cut the mustard, I don't think, as most guards were armed. But maybe it's a small possibility?

Almost as implausible, though understandable, is the way anyone physically threatening a dungeoneer (Cedric with his staff, Fatilla with his cudgel etc.) would just hop about going, 'right, here I come!' for about 10 seconds. I don't think a real guard would do that.

As I say, understandable given the slow nature of most the teams, but still looked a bit silly.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 8:50 pm
by HStorm
Yeah, the worst example of that was Gibbet's, "Say nighty-night, little one!" shenanigans against team 3 in season 1. I honestly thought he was going to count to fifty before he stopped rocking forward and backward on his heels.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:21 pm
by Velvet
Wait a minute! I've got the most splendid idea!

If everybody who gets aggressive in pubs did that then there'd be no violence in high streets up and down the country on a Friday and Saturday night, right? The NHS would save money and everything!

If we can get today's impressionable youth to watch Knightmare and tell them that's how mindless violence works, nobody'll ever get glassed, punched or stabbed again! The victim would be half way home by the time the aggressor lands a punch!

BRING BACK KNIGHTMARE!

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:23 pm
by HStorm
Brilliant. Have you ever considered a career in Parliament?

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:40 pm
by Velvet
Nah. I could never get used to the underwear.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:53 pm
by HStorm
I said Parliament, not the Church!

"Vote for Velvet to combat violent crime by bringing back Knightmare, to legislate for compulsory jockstraps for all goblins under the age of 5, to reduce drunken disorderly behaviour by granting The Order of Tavern Monks exclusive access to all alcoholic drinks in Britain, and to bring an end to air pollution by exterminating all fire-breathing dragons!"

Now there's a manifesto Marx & Engels would be proud of.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:23 pm
by Velvet
Want to be my spin doctor?

Re:Bribes

Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:30 pm
by HStorm
No, I come out in hives every time I think of Peter Mandelson and Alistair Campbell.

Actually, this is starting to remind me of this thread...

http://www.knightmare.com/forum/http:// ... readid=951

Re:Bribes

Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 2:52 pm
by PookasRule
Don't try to bribe the goblins though, under any circumstances!

Re:Bribes

Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 5:55 pm
by Gizensha
HStorm wrote: Don't you think bribe-scenes in Knightmare are just completely implausible? You know the scenario, Gumboil or Olaf or Fatilla or Skarkill are stood on a cavern ledge or between the dungeoneer and a wellway. The dungeoneer doesn't have a password so he offers them a bar of gold or a ruby, which the guard accepts after making a protracted and utterly unconvincing display of reluctance, before stepping aside and allowing passage.
...Wasn't Olaf more about 'robbing gold of dungeoneers or bashing their heads in for pleasure' than 'bribe'?

Personally, I don't mind the lack of realism of that element, especially considering it comes straight from the fantasy videogames of the time , pretty much, doesn't it? Well, maybe more Interactive Fiction (unless you want to scream/screw [limited parsers causing that rather cute eccenticity - it was programed as scream, but at least one person trying for full points got fed up and typed 'screw the bear' into the parsor. "The bear rears back in fear and falls off the cliff." being a bizarely appropriate response for a bug due to a technological limitation, really) than RPGs, but...

Re:Bribes

Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:29 pm
by HStorm
Gizensha wrote: Wasn't Olaf more about 'robbing gold of dungeoneers or bashing their heads in for pleasure' than 'bribe'?
It still amounts to the same thing though. Either give Olaf the gold or he 'tumps' you on the head. (And he'd often insist that "the orders is the orders".)

Re:Bribes

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 8:54 pm
by sozboz
What's wrong with bribes? Gotta grease the wheels a little sometimes.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 9:19 pm
by HStorm
It's not the bribes themselves I'm talking about, it's just that the way they're done is implausible. As soon as the guard has the bar of gold, there's nothing to stop him attacking the dungeoneer anyway. And seeing that Lord F or Mogdred will be angry if they find out that the guard has accepted a bribe, it doesn't make sense that they let the dungeoneer pass instead. That's all I'm pointing out.

Re:Bribes

Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 10:29 pm
by PookasRule
In my opinion, at least where gold was concerned, the guard was so overcome by their greed and so dazzled by the gold that nothing else in the world mattered to them at that time - thus giving the dungeoneer time to escape. Perhaps we could assume that the guard realized his mistake almost immediately but when he turned round to face the dungeoneer they had gone.