Knightmare.com

If you could make an advert for Knightmare on modern TV, what would it be like? No descriptions - please post scripts and visual notes and let others comment!

Been browsing through earlier threads and saw that this one never got started... so I thought I'd rise to the challenge.




Announcer:  "Hi.  Y'know, whenever I get constipation, my Doctor always prescribes for me... Californian fig syrup."



Announcer:  "But I pour scorn on such out-dated treatment, and instead... I watch Knightmare, in the confident knowledge that it'll get my digestive tract moving in no time.  Knightmare, available without prescription from Challenge TV every Saturday and Sunday... guaranteed to scare the sh*t out of you."

(The KM or the KM VR?)
For KM;
*KM theme plays in background*
Announcer: The dungeon beckons the challenger forward; enter stranger.

*montage of entry clips*

Announcer: Are you ready to face your Knightmare? If so watch Knightmare , and just hope you don't end up like this

*montage of death clips followed by*

Treguard: Ooh, Nasty!

Announcer: Knightmare,rise up to the Challenge!

Voiceover: There are two types of KM fan in this world...

[We see a gloomy lecture room with a group of people discussing critical theory.]

Old man: So, as we argue whether Marxist theory is applicable today, we are also compelled to address the inherent shortfalls of which Marx himself was no doubt aware, as exposed in subsequent years by the constituents of the Frankfurt School. Is that not the case?

Voiceover: Karl Marx fans...

[Grimwold smashes his way into the room, terrifying those already present; followed by Mellisandre, followed by Velda, and others.]

Voiceover: ...And Knightmare fans. [The Voiceover gives dates and times of Knightmare episodes.]

*APPLAUDS*  

Now THAT's clever!  

Announcer (v/o): We have been hearing possibilities of a visit tonght...Oh wait...Something is coming through...


(Picture starts to appear, sat at his pool, Lord Fear is plotting away to himself)

LF: A visit?  You mean THE visit.  For this is THE lord of Fear, THE man, and all that.  You know, I find it amusing you idiots will be challenging me again, I really do.  Not one of you is brave enough you know, not one.....Hey hold on I'm losing my link here....No, not him, anyone but him!

(Picture fades out.  In a few seconds, another appears on the screen)

Treguard:  Him, Lord Fear?  Yes it is me, Treguard, Dungeon Master.  And will you lot challenge?  Of course you will, I have every confidence in you.  So take the challenge on....

(Scroll apears showing time/date etc)

...Ah yes, that's right.  Join us then to see who will be my champion, prove to Lord Fear that evil shall never win.....I know you will.

(Treguard stares at the audience as the screen slowly fades to the title screen which has details of the time/date etc once again)

Announcer:  Yes that's right, Knightmare is back, and it is back on .................. (date/time), only on ................ (channel), so don't miss it!

These are all very good so far!

Lol maybe challenge will take on some of these ideas!

[Football ground. Scoreboard reads, "Borussia Moenchengladbach 3 Bayer Leverkusen 1". Cheerleaders stand on the touchline singing.]

Cheerleaders. "Give us a B... B! Give us an O... O! Give us an R... R! Give us a U... U! Give us an S..."

Voice Over:  "Some spelling games just aren't any fun. So..."

[Screen fills with flame "burning away" the view of the ground, to be replaced with a view of Dicken's team in confrontation with Malice.]

Voice Over: "Try this one!"

Advisor: "Spellcasting... F-I-R-E!"

[Blast of fire hits Malice, who screams and disappears.]

Voice Over: "Knightmare, every Saturday and Sunday on Challenge? tv! Get the spelling wrong here and you'll discover... it's no game at all."

I like that one, good usage of spelling their!

One of KM's greatest achievements was making good spelling seem almost sexy, so it's a strong advertising card.  

(Treguard walks into the room)
Treguard: Welcome, watchers. The path is once again open, so...
Pickle: Never mind that, Master, it's starting!
(Treguard notices Pickle staring at the Magic Mirror with interest)
Treguard: Starting? What are you babbling on about now, Elfwit? This phase of the dungeon has already started!
Pickle: No, no, on Challenge!
Treguard: Well, I would say it was a challenge to master the dungeon, but...
Pickle: Challenge TV, master, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7pm. Our adventures are being televised in the Watcher's world, and shown throughout their world. Ooh look, there's me!
Treguard: I see...well, I s'pose it gives budding strangers a...tutorial, if you like, on how to master the dungeon. Er, when are they being shown again?
(Pickle is still staring at the Magic Mirror)
Treguard: Pickle!
Pickle: Wha? Huh? Oh, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7pm.
Treguard: Thank you. Now, where was I? Ah yes...Enter, Stranger!
(Boyard appears)
Boyard: Jaques, the do...who the 'ell are you?
Annoucer: Knightmare. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, only on Challenge.

*snerk*  :D

[Lord Fear sits in a giant throne in Marblehead, frowning nastily. Suddenly he grins his ugliest, toothiest grin imaginable.]

Voice Over: Watch Knightmare on Challenge? tv. Or we'll show you explicit, unedited footage of Lord Fear smiling, 24 hours a day.

WARNING: Do not read the description of this next proposed advert if you are under fifteen or are of a nervous disposition. It contains an uncensored sequence in which Fatilla the Hun can clearly be seen in his underpants, and is doubtless the product of a deranged mind i.e. mine.


[Fatilla the Hun is doing a pole dance on stage. He starts to strip... first his sash, then his tunic, then he starts to undo his trousers... fortunately at this moment the film grinds to a halt.]

VOICE OVER:  "If you don't want to see the rest of this disturbing footage, watch Knightmare on Challenge? tv every weekend. Remember, if the viewing figures aren't over 500,000 every weekend... you'll get more of THIS!!!!"

[The film resumes. Fade out just as Fatilla is beginning to work down his trunks...]