Knightmare.com

As you all know it's polling day today, but say there was a new party called the Knightmare Political Party, who would you vote for to be leader?

Hey I just voted for the first time, cool! OK, so its not like drinking your first legal beer but but its still an accomplishment!

As for the leader, I have said it before and Ill say it again, VOTE LORD FEAR!

First time for me too, since they came out with this e-voting!

Who could the leader be but Illusion (apart from Tim Child, but if he were an MP he wouldn't be able to make his programmes, would he?)?

I'm annoyed that I discovered this site shortly after the 2001 election, or I might have stood as a Bring Back Knightmare candidate at the mock election at school. My campaign would have been marginally more intelligent and politically astute than that of the victorious UKIP candidate (who spent most of his campaign making posters saying that he liked cake, supporting something called Donkey Magic and prancing around with "I Am The One And Only" blaring in the background [eventually the Tory candidate joined him in this last]).

Perhaps we could be a bit broader and found the Viewers' and Listeners' Party. Main policies:

1. Bring back Knightmare.
2. Axe The Archers.
3. Bring back The Crystal Maze (after a referendum on whether Richard or Ed should present it).
4. Give all licence-fee payers Freeview boxes or IDTVs free of charge.
5. Ban any change to the published schedule - if there's a major news item that today would interrupt programmes, simply put a message at the bottom of the screen showing the headline and an exhortation to turn to BBC News 24 (as, given step 4, all would be able to do).
6. Re-instate Angus Deayton as presenter of Have I Got News For You.
7. Re-arrange the dates of series of Quote...Unquote and The Now Show in such a way that at least one of the four great Radio 4 comedies (Just a Minute, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, The News Quiz and Dead Ringers) is always in the course of a series.
8. Schedule two, not just one, annual series of Bremner, Bird & Fortune.
9. Ban those channel logos in the corners of screens.
10. Impose a rule that all prime-time TV newsreaders must be at least as good as Channel 4's Samira Ahmed (the likes of Brigid Nzekwu and Trevor McDonald woud be moved to low-audience times).

2. Axe The Archers.

Are you brave.
9.b banish the red button from our screens for good.
11. Make Challenge? into a terestrial channel free and available for all!

Oh, the "press red" signs aren't hard to get rid of.

But they keep popping up though. I think that they should have an option which tou could turn them off completely, so that they wont appear at all!

Richard as presenter all the way.  I wanted to marry him when I was younger.

I think the Iraqi information minister should lead a political party.  He is great.  I would vote for him.

Richard was good in The Rocky Horror Show too. Well, he did write it.

Yeah, Thanatos, I agree with everything you say there unreservedly!
Oh, and "The One And Only" was a song by the embarrassing Chesney Hawkes, which held Number 1 for weeks. And it kept James' Sit Down from reaching Number 1. So James never did reach Number 1. Bet you didn't know that...

There is a decent replacement to Angus Deayton that the BBC havent thought up of yet! Who is it?

Its Will Self. He is just as pompous and obnoxious as Deayton, and would be better on this programme than in Shotting Stars, which was way better with Mark Lamarr!

As for putting Trevor McDonald down a peg or two, ooooh contraversial!

As for putting Trevor McDonald down a peg or two, ooooh contraversial!

Or maybe even Martin Bashir for that matter!

I know one person who'll vote for that!

Aah-hie-hee!

Could it be a 40 something year old who has never matured beyond about the age of eleven or a million pound winning major who has one of those persistant irritating coughs that comes and goes now and then? Maybe it could be both!

*Cough coughNO*

I think I might be starting to get one of those coughs. I think I might have also just heard somebody mention google somewhere!

Mr. Whittock should have said he had SARS - then he'd have got away with it.

I'm afraid, MPK, that I just can't see Will Self presenting HIGNFY. They shouldn't, in any case, try to replace Angus with someone who tries to be like him (arrogant etc.) - someone with a different style of their own would be better. The only other person worthy, IMO, is Humphrey Lyttleton.