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Adapted from the book, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

Ever get bored reading about people being a success and getting things right? Well here you can make up a little article about dungeoneers, characters and anything else getting it wrong:

THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL LOOTING

Olaf is one who is famed for his looting and "the bonkings and the donkings on the head" but can quite easily go wrong for him. A classic example took place one day on the great chasm, when he confidently approached a dungeoneer carrying valuables. To his lasting suprise the dungeoneer kicked him first in the groin and then beat him repeatedly with the club that Olaf had carelessly dropped. "I thought I woulda scare him..." Olaf weakly spoke. He was treated in the kitchen later on by Mrs Grimwold, the dungeon was a noisy place whilst he had his injuries treated


If anyone else wants to make one up, go ahead...

THE WORST EVER ESCAPE

Simon, the dungeoneer from Series 4 Team 4 was on a quest for the sword. Halfway through level 2, he encountered the Block and Tackle. His advisors Andrew, Richard and Andrew panicked upon seeing this devious room, especially when the floor started to disintegrate to the left of Simon. Instead of guiding him out safely, one of the advisors asked Simon to sidestep left into the gaping hole that had just appeared! As a result, Simon fell to his doom and thus ended the team's quest all very suddenly.

THE LEAST SUCESSFUL CAUSEWAY NEGOTIATION

Quick thinking and guidance is essential here particually when a fatal fall is at hand. Many residents of the dungeon may very well recall what happened near Witchaven, when a dungeoneers fear of heights got the better of him.

The "brave" Knighterrant approached the causeway impressively. But when he was told that there was a sheer drop below him he firmly refused to co-operate. Despite the teams soothing he wouldn't move! Eventually he plucked up enough courage to attempt the obstacle but when a tile gave way behind him he hit the floor hugging the block tightly and refused to go no further.

The advisors kept reassuring him on despite their dungeoneer doing the same thing over and over again. He completed it in just under TWO hours! Long enough for Treguard to doze off in his chair...

THE WORST ACT OF BRAVERY

Bravery, Brawn and Broadswords as Treguard once said. Bravery is essential in the dungeon if you tend to run into the odd bad guy or two. A classic example came from a dungeoneer who was a heavy minded hypochondriac! Anyone he encountered he would be on his knees pleading for mercy... Mellisandre whom was in the kitchen at the time of his presence was quite shellshocked. "I only asked him if he wanted some food, he did say yes so I went to cut an apple, half for me and half for him. When I looked round he was gone! I guess the knife scared him a bit..." The dungeonner eventually fell to his doom, but his fall was softened by a huge pile of mattresses and cushions. He was sent home and treated for shock

These are good, and true to the books as well. I knew I had one of the 'Heroic Failures' books somewhere - and last weekend, I found it.

THE MOST EMBARRASING WAY OUT

Very few get lucky into defeating Lord Fear and the Opposition, as a dungeoneer realised true to his cost when a simple fireball shot (which was really only a warning) caused his bowels to tighten. The team spellcast a quick TRAP spell to hold off Lord Fear as they set about retrieving to Sword. At this point (as it did with Ben) Life Force was getting critical! The dungeoneer made every possible attempt to rush through a Dwarf Tunnel, but his recent accident prevented him from doing so. His Life Force ran out and I needn't tell you what Treguard said as he pointed out a fatal flaw. Strangley modest, the team have asked to remain unamed!

THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO RESTORE LIFE FORCE

Food is hugely essential to anyones quest, in fact, without it no team would have emerged victorious. One dungeoneer for example refused to consume carrots because it didn't aquire to his personal taste. Needless to say he was in Golgarach's chamber at the time, which promptly made the dungeoneer swing it clear out the window. Oddly he survived but he perished in Level Two, refusing to take a cabbage!

Fidjit wrote: The advisors kept reassuring him on despite their dungeoneer doing the same thing over and over again. He completed it in just under TWO hours! Long enough for Treguard to doze off in his chair...

Heh. Evidently not a series six causeway...

THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL USE OF MAGIC

Spellcasting! S-P-A-D-E...
Spellcasting! S-P-A-D-E...

*THWACK!*

THE LONGEST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT TO DIS-SPELLING

During Nel's adventure in level 2 (Season 2), he emerge out of the mountain with a wooden path leading to the next room. Before Nel's advisers guides him accross...Mogdred cackles over the dungeoneer and paralized Treguard. Instead of killing Nel on the spot, he desides to "SHROUD" him instead making him invisble. The team just wondered...what should they do? So, one decides to dis-spell Mogdred's spell...but nothing happened. As the team continues to dispell SHROUD...without an "O"...Nel's just stands there wondering what on Earth is going on?

As Treguard moans a (curtain) letter at the team...they realized what when wrong and successfully dispelled Mogdred's spell as he disappeared, able to continue their quest as Nel just wondering..."Can't they dispell it right?"