Dolts, Elita (Parody of Dolce Vita by Ryan Paris)

[Drassil]

A fan of Elita sympathises with what the cavern elf has to put up with, with reference to Series 5 Quest 3, Series 6 Quest 6 and Series 5 Quest 6 (I've included links to official CITV clips of the scenes in question). Based on Dolce Vita by Ryan Paris. Original lyrics, official audio

[Clip]
You seem to like the occult, Elita
The symbols on the floor
But you're disturbed by some dolts, Elita
Gonna scream, "No more!"
They bring their quest to a halt, Elita
Discussing their red gem
I wouldn't say it's your fault, Elita
You got fed up of them

'Twas their last chance
Together with your gob again
They won't advance
Beyond the blades and darkness
Say you'll let them all get sliced
Say you won't be soft or nice

Sophia gave you a jolt, Elita
Said, "You're a faceache too"
Then in your wound she rubbed salt, Elita
Called you a dragon's poo [Clip]
Then from the blue came a bolt, Elita
Skarkill with Grippa and Rhark
Use magic pipes on the dolt, Elita
He'll dance into the dark

'Twas the last time
A dungeoneer was rude to you
Too great a crime
And soon she dropped in darkness
Say you'll always troublemake
Tell the world they're faceaches

'Twas the last time
A dungeoneer was rude to you
Too great a crime
And soon she dropped in darkness
Say you'll never scrape or bow
Tell the world they're faceaches now

How do you cope with the dolts, Elita
That keep bugging you?
Must be because you're a record beater
At turning the air blue

[Clip]
You lost your voice
And didn't shut up even then
Given the choice
Before you leave the Dungeon
We must all accept the truth
There's no bouche like your bouche