Knightmare.com

Series 3 - Team 1

Treguard: "Wait team these caverns are far larger than any that have ever existed so far in the dungeon... Best not to linger for Gavin is in need of food!"

Advisor: "If you'd kindly shut up we'll do that... I seriously swear your trying to kill us!"

[Block & Tackle, Series 4, Quest 4.]

Andrew: Simon! Sidestep to your left.

[Simon does so, and falls down a hole.]

Simon: Weeeeeeeee! Ouch.

Andrew: [To Donna Noble from Doctor Who, standing behind him] That's the last time I take advice from a time-travelling Cockney!

Pickle: She ain't fussed, Master.

Treguard: Bovvered, Pickle. It's bovvered.

---

Boatman: Shallow is the Dunswater, and hot. The fare for the crossing is pizza or pot.

Treguard: [Sighs] That's the last time we give a student a holiday job.

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Lillith: Rock to rock and bop to pop, jive to jazz until you drop! This is Lil on 87-88 KM, Zone Radio, playing the music you just can't help grooving to. I'm back with your requests, right after this.

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[The Present Day. At the home of Scott, veteran dungeoneer of Series 3, his baby son has pulled himself up from the floor and is holding onto the sofa.]

Scott's Wife: Quick, I think he's about to start walking. Get the camera!

[Scott runs out. But by the time he's returned with the camera, the baby has already walked.]

Scott: Oh no, I missed the first step! [Looks into the camera.] Like that's never happened before. [Winks.]

Scott's Wife: What?

(With apologies to Scott and to any real-life wives and children he may have.)

---

[A dungeoneer steps into the descender, which then begins to speak.]

Descender: Yes, hello and welcome. I am the Desecender, anachronist, minemalist and with flooring smoother than a wellway's bottom. Enjoy your ride.

(Just repaying some old compliments. )

And I can't thank you enough. You've actualy gone and put me in a good mood. See? This is my 'happy' face.

I prefer the other one in all honesty... The original I mean...

Treguard: The f*****g power's off!

Dungeoneer: {Arriving in the antechamber} "I want to be the next one to challenge the Dungeon!"
Treguard: "No, I'm sorry, I really have to draw the line somewhere..."

Dungeoneer cornered by goblins, apparently completely unable to escape.

"They call me Cuban Pete, I'm the king of the rhumba beat, when I sing I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom!"

Lord Fear: "You know Lissard, I think I'm falling in love with you."

Erm, there's a scene is season 7 when Lord F asked Lissard out on a date. Admittedly it was while Lissard was disguised as Marta, but still...

Igneous: "I praise you for your courageous efforts at answering my riddles."

(Start of series 7, right after Majida pops out of her bottle)

Treguard: I'll buy that for a dollar! Gahahahaha!!!

Olaf: Lemon curry?!

Lord Fear: Do you really expect me to let you through easily you puny minded fool?



Lord Fear: Err... I guess that means yes?

Dungeoneer: I thought you were an expert at technology grey-face! I would have used a camera but that kind of 'red-eye' is less satisfying than this one! Mwahahahahaha!

Dungeoneer: Okay there's a table with a red gem, a scroll, some sort of key and a MK-47.

Advisors: Do you think we should take the key and the gem?

Dungeoneer: Are you nuts? I'm taking the MK-47

Advisors: Uh are you sure..?

Dungeoneer: Hey i didn't start this thing BUT NOW IT'S F***ING OOOOON!!!

Treguard: Now, you've read the Adventurer's Code. There are few rules in the Dungeon but those there are, I'll remind you of. The first rule of Knightmare is: you do not talk about Knightmare. The second rule of Knightmare is: you do NOT talk about Knightmare.

Treguard: "The gate is opening, the visor's cl-...
You know what? Bugger the visor. You've enough to deal with as it is."