They would never say...

[Emii]

Ariadne: 'Incy wincy human, came into Level One, down came the spider, and bit him on the... oh, the Dungeoneer's run off. I was too slow. Again.'

*snerk* *giggle* *snerk*

[Drassil]

Series 7 Dungeoneer: 'Pickle, Pickle, Pickle!'

[Pickle appears in a flash of light. His arms and legs are tied.]

Pickle: 'Gosh, thank you! The last thing I remember was some sort of gypsy girl hitting me over the head with a staff...'

[JamesA]

Lissard - "No more fish please you Lordness - one has turned into a vegan."

[FrightKnight]

Pickle: Master?!
Treguard: Yes, Pickle?
Pickle: You've...you've...
Treguard: So I've shaved my head, put a tattoo on my arm and grew my beard 'til it was 4ft long. I fancied a change, alright Pickle? You should try an image change too.
Pickle: Well....I suppose my eyebrows could do with a trim.
Treguard: Excellent idea, Pickle! Half the time I don't know whether you're frowning or ecstatic.

[Fidjit]

One team encounter Elita, but the tables turned a little bit here...

Dungeoneer: You are a poor excuse for a cavern-elf I would have expected better from a goblin, too easily bribed, poorly dressed, everyone hates you...

Elita: I'm sorry... *snif* I'm trying my best...

Dungeoneer: HA! Tell you what... You give me face-ache just by looking at you, even if I have the helmet on it sort of burns through it. God knows how a mirror puts up with it!

Elita: Okay, okay... I'll be nice as possible *snif* *snif* just don't hurt my feelings anymore *sob*

Dungeoneer: If I were your father I'd put you in solitary confinement...

Were going to stop there for we know what the score here is...

DONT WE?

[Drassil]

This topic has been viewed over 1000 times! Fantastic!  ;D

[Pickle and Treguard look into the camera.]

Pickle: 'Oh, Master, are the Watchers still here?'

Treguard: 'I'm afraid so, Pickle. They seem to enjoy us. Except for one little toerag who switched over 10 minutes ago to watch CBBC.'

Pickle: 'Tracking... [His eyes glow red.] ...Got 'im! A 9-year-old living in Redditch. There's an elf portal 2 miles from his house. [Grabs staff] He's mine.'

Treguard: 'Now, now, Pickle, there are far better ways to resolve this. Hand me that key. [Treguard unlocks a large chest, releasing an army of floating skulls.] Fly, my pretties! FLY!!'

***

Dungeoneer: 'Can't you get it into your thick skull? I don't want you attacking me!'

Treguard: I fear such dry wit will prove useless against the catacombite, Team.

[The Dungeoneer is indeed eaten by the catacombite.]

Treguard: Yeeesss!! [Sings] Who's not winnin' any more? Who's not... [Clears throat] I mean, oooooh, naaasty!'

***

[Grimwold clobbers a Series 3 Dungeoneer.]

Treguard: 'Well, Team, it looks like your dungeoneer's become a 'club' sandwich, haha. Wait, don't cry... Oh, not again. Sorry, Team. Better edit that last comment, Tim!'

***

Majida: 'But Treguard...'

Treguard: 'Madam, for once, just shut up. [Majida tries to speak.] Shut up. Shut up. Shut... up. Indulge in shutting up. Shut up. Get a degree in Shutupology. Shut, as the old saying goes, up. Attain a state of shutupness. Please shut up. Shut the Fear up. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!'

[Silence, except for the dripping of a myriad tears of joy across the nation.]

Treguard: [Getting his breath back] 'And... having thus shut up... cut my toenails.'

[Fidjit]

Fatilla: Tell me or you'll be blipped and then blopped!

Dungeoneer: Fat slob!

Fatilla: Huuuuh!

Dungeoneer: I-I-I said "Good Job"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Treguard impersonating Mildread

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lillith forming a bridge for nothing...

"Okay, fine you have nothing! I'll let you off..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mogdread: This is your future play pen...

Dungeoneer: Where are the toys then?

Mogdread: Uhh... Play with the bars of the door...

DUNGEONNER DOES

Dungeoneer: I've never had so much fun in all my life!!! Oh wow this is so cool!!!

Advisors: Starve already!

BOOOOOOONG!

[FrightKnight]

(On a day when the rugby is on, only KM is left. Or is it?)

Dungeoneer: Where am I?
Advisors: You're in a room, and...wait, isn't that Queen T-Bag?
Treguard: Um, so it is.
Queen T-Bag: Where are the sunstones of Montezuma?
Treguard: You are too late. Your programme isn't on today.
Pat Sharp: Welcome to Fun house!
Treguard: And you can go away too!
Pat Sharp: Watch it, beardie, or I'll get the girls to gunge you.
Treguard: I bet that's not even a real mullet. (Pulls hair) Look, it's just fake.
Pat Sharp: OW! Stop that! It's real! I bet your beard is fake (starts pulling beard)
Treguard: Ouch! Why you- (continues)
Pickle: Sorry i'm late, master, bu-wha-?
Queen T-Bag: Ooh, I've always liked a man with odd eyebrows.
Pickle: *Gulp*
Advisors: I think we'd best go home.
Dungeoneer: Hello? Where am I? Where is everyone? Hello?
Announcer of Dangermouse: And so, the sun sets of another adventure. Tune in next week for another episode of Fun-Mare! I mean Knight-mouse! I mean...oh forget it. I wonder if that job as a BBC weatherman is still available...?

[Scott_Wilkinson]

Lord Fear - "You haven't had much food recently, have you Ben? Well, I hate to see people die, so, have this loaf of bread."

Treguard - "Here, Majida, you sit in my chair now. After all, you are carrying my baby."

Motley - "Hmm, I wonder if it's about time I started telling rude jokes for a change."

[FrightKnight]

Elita: Hello! My, you're looking good today. Isn't everything wonderful? But enogh about my opinions. Would you like this green gem stone? Julius Scaramonger gave it to me in a fit of generousity.

[Drassil]

Treguard: 'Team, the Eye Shield is currently at the blacksmith's for repairs, so here instead is the Nose Shield. Now, when you find a spyglass, hold it up in front of the Nose Shield, and we'll finally be able to discover what aftershave Lord Fear uses.'

Pickle: 'If any.'

***

Little Miss Muffet: 'Where am I?'

Little Jack Horner: 'OK, LMM, you're in like a room with a rocky ledge, and just ahead of you there's what seems like a low stool of some kind. There's something on it so can you walk forward? ... Stop. Can you see the stool?'

LMM: 'Yeah. I think it's a tuffet.'

Little Red Riding Hood: 'What's on it?'

LMM: 'Some food... whey, and curds.'

Treguard: 'Caution, Team, don't dally in this place; danger is approaching.'

Little Tommy Tucker: 'OK, put the food in your knapsack.'

[Instead, LMM sits down and begins to eat the food.]

LRRH: 'What are you doing?!'

LMM: 'This is my favourite food, I'm not gonna shove it in a bag, alright?'

Treguard: 'Warning! This is Ariadne's lair...'

[Ariadne has crawled over to LMM. The Advisors scream at her. LMM gets up and away just in time.]

***

[Fidjit comes up to a Series 7 Dungeoneer.]

Fidjit: 'Hello there, Fidjit's the name.'

Dungeoneer: 'Look, Mr. Valentine - or may I call you Paul? - why don't you just: creep back to your dressing room; slip into your Motley outfit; come back; and we'll say no more about it, eh?'

[HStorm]

Brollachan:  You got the answer to the riddle wrong.

Pickle:  We mustn't get too involved.

Majida:  I like you, Treguard.

Gideon:  Must watch my language.

Ridolfo:  

Cedric:  You look handsome.

Gumboil:  No more for me, I'm driving.

Dooris:  WAHEEEEEEYYY!!!

Lord Fear:  I got it wrong.

Igneous:  I respect your intelligence.

Me:  I like season six.

[Fidjit]

Cedric beats his stick over the dungeoneers head:

Dungeoneer: OUCH!
Advisor: Come on that didn't hurt!
Dungeoneer: *groan* urrnngggh!
Advisors: Are you alright?
Dungeoneer: No, the stick sort of went through the helmet into my head...
Treguard: CEDRIC! How many times have I told you not to use a crowbar...
Cedric: That wasn't a crowbar that was a scaffolding pole!

[Lord_Bob]

Lord Fear: Well then, i was going to stand here and do a long and pointless speech and taunt you, thus giving you time to defeat me, however I have discovered this invention
 *Pulls Out Gun*
LF: So I will just ice you instead!
D: What shall I *BANG!* Oh lord, i'm bleeeding
A: Hey, that's cheating
D: Guys I am bleeding to death here
A: We don't care about you we want a Frightnight trophy
Pickle: Well master, it looks like Lord Fear must be taught a lesson
Treguard: Yes Pickle, bring me my shotgun....

[simiano]

*dungeoneer falls off cause way*

Tregaurd: ohhh nasty and that was real

Advisor: oh great *runs in dungeon and follows* dam they fixed it oh well who want pizza