Knightmare.com

Lol that 1 was funny

Treguard: Congratulations team You have found the cup!

No...that'd never happen...

Anyhoo, back to current affairs:

Smirkenorff (to dungeoneer)
"Would you like a ride to Level 2 with me pretending to be very disorientated and drunk along the way? I do it so much better than those chaps at British Airways."

D: Where am I?
A: You're in a room and in the middle of the room there is a table. Can you see the table?
D: Yeah!
A: Can you walk towards it please?
(Dungeoneer walks towards it. On reaching the table) Can you go around it to the other side please? (walks around it) What's on the table?
D: There's bar of gold, a key, a red gemstone and a loaf of bread!
A: Put the bread in your knapsack
D: But I can't though
A: Why not?
D: Cuz I'm on the Atkins Diet!


(Different quest)
A: Infront of you on a small square table with a very large cup with ribbons on either side of it.
T: Not just any cup but the cup
A: Yes thee cup! Can you see it?
D: Yes!
A: Can you walk towards it?
D: Yes! (walks towards the table) The ribbons appear the have something writton on them!
A: Can you read what it says then?
D: Yes, they say Carling on them!...

Treguard: Aaahhh its the sword pickle.
Pickle: THE sword master?
Treguard: Yes, the dungeoneers have recovered the sword from Lord Fear.  I am now going to use it on my face.
Pickle: Master?!!
Treguard: Its Wilkinson sword pickle - I'm meeting a hooker tonight in the back of the Anglia studios, so I need to shave for first time in 20 years.  I'm off to Marks and Sparks as well to get some new clothes - I'm sick of wearing this cloak all the time.
 
 

In the future there will be Knightmare.....
Ye Olde Treguard: Enter, Stranger
Martin: I'm no stranger its me Martin from S3 come for another go!
Ye Olde Treguard:Well I am a bit senile now so your all strangers
Martin: Arent you supposed to ask something?
Ye Olde Treguard: Erm Do you have any money?
Martin: No my name, which is Martin, and for me to call my advisor. *advisors appear* And here they are
Ye Olde Treguard: Ah, nevermind boys, you played well but the dungeon defeated you. spellcasting "D-I-S-S-M-I-S-S"
*Advisors disappear*
Martin: What the...? You old fool
Ye Olde Treguard: No I am afraid Merlin isnt here at the moment. Now if you could go then Pickle was about to give me a sponge bath!

After Lord Fear personally kills someone in the final chamber, he suddenly bursts out into song!

"I Feel Pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I Feel Pretty and witty and bright.." etc

Then from out of nowhere Lissard appears and goes;

" La la la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la la laaaaaaa!"

After Lord Fear personally kills someone in the final chamber, he suddenly bursts out into song!

"I Feel Pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I Feel Pretty and witty and bright.." etc

Then from out of nowhere Lissard appears and goes;

" La la la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la la laaaaaaa!"

Suddenly, from the shower, scargill screams: "that was uvly"

Treguard to Lord Fear: "Fancy a drink in the Red Lion me old mate?  By the way I've got your packet of Worthers originals in my passenger door somewhere...."

Series 1, Team 1
Advisors: Ok your in a room with a table and their are some objects on it, walk towards it
Dungeoneer: Ok the objects are a tax audit and other forms, an ink well and a quill and some reading glasses.
Treguard: Oh no team! The fiendish puzzle of the table of tax!
*Advisors and Dungeoneer work out the tax forms and complete it just as life force becomes critical*
Treguard: Well done team, you've done my taxes! Muwahahahha. You see their never was anything called Knightmare, i just hate doing taxes.
*Runs away laughing*

Series 8, team 6...in the Fireball Alley.

Treguard: Oh look, team, it's the short cut to level 3...
Dunstan: Stuff this. If I'm going to win the quest I'm going to do it fair and square. Where's the exit for level 2?

Brother Mace:
"No more ale please - I've gone teetotal"  :D

Barry: I'm a lll-ittle nevvrous cooming on here soo if i faiil pplease ddont be too mad. Tttreguard

Forgive my ignorance, but could someone please explain who Barry is, and why he is so significant? I'm assuming that he was an unusually talkative Dungeoneer from one of the later series. Thank you in advance.

Julie is mentioned a lot on this Forum too, but fortunately I remember who she is!

"Say hello to the gobins Jule and ask if they'd like a present..."

That is a daft thing to say really... Especially when you know that the goblins are going to beat, stab and hack you to death...

If I were them I'd hurl the emerald at them...

Anyway, back to business...

LORD FEAR: Let's be friends...!