Knightmare.com

Hordriss: "You know what? I really don't think red is my colour. What WAS I thinking?! How about a nice shade of....blue! *zap* No...purple! *zap* Hmmmm...rainbow blast! *zap*

*dungeoneer's helmet melts and the poor child is blinded, screaming*

Treguard: "Oooh, I simply haven't a thing to wear!"

A team enter the Block and Tackle, Treguard says:
"Everything here is stable, we reinforced the walls so that we..."



"Don't fret team he's just invisible..."

Treguard: Where am I?

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Pickle: You know, I got paid more when I played Marvin the Android, and my outfit was warmer. Enough of this: I quit! Hugo... [Treguard gasps] ... come and join me when your beard glue wears off.

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Goblin: I've actually been learning the harmonica, I can play Bob Dylan pretty well. I just prefer to blow the horn, y'know?

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Majida: The water in Majorca don't taste like what it oughta.

(Anyone seen the old Heineken ad?)

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Elita: Hello, handsome! Fancy a good-natured chat about the Dungeon?

Skarkill: "Are you seriously suggesting that I'd accept a bribe?"

Elita: "Good morning, young lady. How do you do?"

Hands: "No thanks, I've already had a half."

Snapper Jack: "You right, this glove looks ridiculous."

Honesty Bartrum: "I hope we can still do business, even if I am just a cheap alternative to Julius Scaramonger."

Velda: "You're right - adventuring is no career for an elf who gets kidnapped by goblins twice in as many quests."

Ah Wok: "Yes, I plobably do have tlouble plonouncing my Rs."

Fatilla: "Now you come to mention it, I never have been quite sure what the verb 'to blip' means."

Greystagg: "No thanks, I've already got more witch amber than I need."

Festus: 'I feel so unloved. I'm actually a cat trapped inside a pseudo-Cerberus' body. I don't mean to be intimidating and mysterious, I just have trouble... y'know... relating.'

Obviously, I love that one! I'm so tempted to roleplay it, but realise that it's in the interests of all intelligent and quasi-intelligent humanity that I don't.

MEDUSA (of series 2 and 3):"You can pass me safely without having to use a magical item, you see, I'm wearing sunglasses".

Mildread: "I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!"

Lord Fear, "I'm going to visit Treguard and sort out this messy business between us like civilized gentlemen..."

Sylvester Hands: "Good evening, old sport! I was just enjoying a rather spiffing cucumber sandwich!"

Gwendoline: "You know, I've suddenly got this huge craving for veal!"

Lord Fear: "I'm good."

Pickle: "Oh, that's totally fair."

Samurai: "Hello."

Simon: "I think I'll sidestep to my right."

Ariadne: I've turned vegetarian

The Catacombite- "Has anyone seen my flesh? I'm sure I had some when I left my cave this morning. Hope I didn't leave it on the bus again!"

Sidriss- "You know, the idealist position really does have a singularly intrinsic appeal. I don't agree that it's the last refuge of the sceptic, nor that it inevitably leads us into reliance upon the notion of a supreme being to sustain our common sense judgements about the spatio-temporeal existence of the world."

Sly Hands- "Ah, but Sidriss, I believe you're overlooking the phenomenalist's case, which as I'm sure we'll both agree, has answers to many problem case scenarios about which the principles of idealism cannot be supported."

The Brollachan- "I hunger for turnips."