The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

For all the comedians out there.
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The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Velvet » Thu Dec 11, 2008 1:16 pm

Where did all those pineapples come from?
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by HStorm » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:30 pm

The man from Del Monte.

*Whistles innocently*
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Velvet » Thu Dec 11, 2008 3:09 pm

Unbelievable.
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by HStorm » Thu Dec 11, 2008 8:11 pm

How cynical of you...
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by sozboz » Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:07 pm

thread of the year
Malice's loyal subject

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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Drassil » Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:11 pm

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AWizardDidIt ;)

In this case, Merlin. He had a so-called hot date with Lillith, in her rocky domain, and wanted to win her affections by conjuring up a homely yet tasty dessert. Unfortunately, when he tried to invoke an apple pie, he became tongue-tied and instead ordered "Pie an apple". A pineapple appeared. What's more, Lillith's chamber was unusually echoey that evening, so several pineapples appeared. I don't know if Lillith saw the funny side - if indeed there is one.

More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome. ;)
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Velvet » Fri Dec 12, 2008 8:55 am

HStorm wrote: How cynical of you...
Well, maybe. Perhaps Julius Scaramonger or Honesty Bartram had further-reaching trade routes than we give them credit for.
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Gizensha » Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:07 am

Drassil wrote: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AWizardDidIt ;)

In this case, Merlin. He had a so-called hot date with Lillith, in her rocky domain, and wanted to win her affections by conjuring up a homely yet tasty dessert. Unfortunately, when he tried to invoke an apple pie, he became tongue-tied and instead ordered "Pie an apple". A pineapple appeared. What's more, Lillith's chamber was unusually echoey that evening, so several pineapples appeared. I don't know if Lillith saw the funny side - if indeed there is one.

More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome. ;)
We already know that there's a connection between the dungeon and 20th century earth (How else to you explain all the late 20th century kids who wandered into Treguard's castle, and how we were watching [and Treguard knowing that we were])... What's to say that it's only humans who wander down into the dungeon from our time. Maybe animals, do too, or even fruit falling into the dungeon?

...Although I think the original D&D had the best ever invokation of "A Wizard Did It" - The explanation for cursed -x weapons that no-one in their right mind would think would be useful enough to forge? "Prankster Wizards."

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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by BrotherStrange » Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:12 pm

Velvet wrote: Where did all those pineapples come from?
A tree?
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Velvet » Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:11 pm

HStorm wrote: The man from Del Monte.

*Whistles innocently*
Jonathan the dungeoneer walked a few more steps and then came to a halt. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You're in what looks like a shop - a fruit shop - and there's a man in a... Hawaiian shirt, and, erm... flip-flops. And he's arranging some kind of fruit into a pyramid shape in a sort of display."

Treguard hyperventilated in the background. "Warning, team! This is the Del Monte man. He can be a friend or a foe, but you must gift him with unfamiliar fruit or he may well turn on you. Beware his main weapon - the bottle of Sunny Delight. If he puts that in you knapsack it'll overload your energy sprite and destroy you!"

The advisors looked at eachother hopelessly: they'd just left a clue room in which they'd found a bag of lychees. They'd put it in the knapsack without realising that it was a clue object rather than an item of food in the classic sense.

The Del Monte man turned and saw them. "Ah, hello stranger! I wonder if we can do a trade: do you have anything for me to sell in my shop?"

"What should I say?" Jonathan asked. With the negative confirmed by his advisors he replied, "No, sorry."

The Del Monte man tutted. "Ah well. Well, in that case let me offer you a complimentary bottle of Sunny D. Here, let me put it in your knapsack for you-"

"DIRE EMERGENCY!" Treguard cried from behind the advisors. The advisors looked at eachother in a panic.

"Jonathan, do something!"

Jonathan had an idea. "Um, excuse me," he said, stepping nimbly aside to avoid the Del Monte man's excavation into his knapsack. "I've got some strange fruit for you."

The Del Monte man paused. "Oh, you have?"

"Yes," Jonathan said. He reached up for the knapsack's strap and pulled it out of the way, revealing the logo on his Tshirt. "There you go, it's a Strange Fruit Tshirt!"

The Del Monte man tutted and shook his head. "No, I'm afraid that doesn't count. People can't eat cotton, you know. No, I'll send you on your way with this bottle of orange juice."

"Um, actually," Jonathan stopped him again, inching away from the fruit salesman. Between them they looked as if they were performing a bizarre dance. "I do have some other fruit." The advisors looked at eachother and then at Treguard, who looked equally baffled.

"Err, you have? What have you got? Come on, I haven't got all day!" the Del Monte man snapped, getting impatient. He noted that the dungeoneer was playing with his clothes again. "W-what are you doing..?" he asked uncertainly.

"Here you go - look at my plums!" Jonathan said with a cheeky grin on his face. The Del Monte man dropped his bottle of Sunny D in horror.

"You dirty boy! Get out of my shop! Go on, you can keep your life force, just go!" And with that, he took a broom off the shelf and began to sweep Jonathan harmlessly toward the exit. "Go on! Out! Out!"

"Well done, team! You've beaten the Del Monte man!" Treguard boomed.
Last edited by Velvet on Mon Dec 15, 2008 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by HStorm » Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:10 pm

A dungeoneer asks, "Do you have any information about my quest?"

A Hispanic man steps in and announces, "The Man from Del Monte, he say 'Yes!'"
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Velvet » Wed Dec 17, 2008 11:35 am

Drassil wrote:
More Ultimate Knightmare Riddles welcome. ;)
Alright, then :D

Re: series 4 and 5. Why is half the cast from Dorset all of a sudden, when Dunshelm is supposed to be in up north? We have Pixel, Oakley and the boatman, all with distinct West Country accents. Pourquoi?
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by HStorm » Wed Dec 17, 2008 2:22 pm

Ah, now the answer to this lies in ye noble realm of inexperienced amateur dramatics and jobbing actors. There are only three accents necessary to qualify for this most prestigious of social groups. They are, as follows;-

Mexican accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of any person whatsoever outside of the UK or the Indian sub-continent);

Welsh accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of anyone who does come from the Indian sub-continent);

West Country accent (deemed appropriate for performing the voice of anyone from any part of the countryside in any part of the UK, including the Welsh).

Now that you know these noble secrets, I imagine you are well-equipped for a life of unpaid thespianism. (And yes, puerile ones, that does read 'Thespianism', before you suggest I meant anything different; mind - gutter - out of!)
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by BrotherStrange » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:59 pm

Just who does write all those scrolls?

Lord F did once say to Hordriss: "You're starting to believe your own scrolls". Hmm...
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Re:The Ultimate Knightmare Riddle

Post by Ironlord » Sun Dec 21, 2008 2:17 pm

Velvet wrote:Why is half the cast from Dorset all of a sudden, when Dunshelm is supposed to be in up north? We have Pixel, Oakley and the boatman, all with distinct West Country accents. Pourquoi?
Don't forget Marta...

...who may actually have been Prince Ludwig the Indestructible in a dress.

"Would you like another piece of pie, my lord?"
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